Who Gets Arrested When Two Family Members Are Fighting?

 Posted on April 08, 2025 in Domestic Violence & Orders of Protection

When we hear the term "domestic violence," we usually think of violence between two people in a romantic relationship. And, in fact, the vast majority of domestic violence charges (almost 82 percent) are for violence between those who are currently in a romantic, intimate relationship or who were in a romantic, intimate relationship. That said, there are many other times when domestic violence involves family members rather than romantic partners.  

The incidence of domestic family violence increases when financial hardship, unemployment, lower education, drug and alcohol abuse, and an adult’s history of his or her own childhood abuse are present.  When police see a child or a woman who has been injured by domestic violence, determining who to arrest may be relatively easy – it is usually the larger male with no visible injuries.

But when two relatively physically matched family members are involved in an argument that turns physical, who gets arrested? The answer to this question is not an easy one, and the police do not always get it right. If you have been arrested for domestic violence, but you were only defending yourself, it is important to speak to an experienced Rolling Meadows, IL domestic violence lawyer.   

Who Could Be Arrested for Domestic Violence Under Illinois Law?

Illinois criminal law says that domestic violence can apply to any two people who have any type of domestic relationship. This could include parents and children, grandparents and adult children, siblings, or even cousins, not to mention those you are related to by marriage – your in-laws. Almost every family will experience conflict at one time or another. In some instances, this conflict can turn physical.

Who Gets Arrested When the Police Show Up?

When the police receive a complaint of domestic violence and both people have injuries, it is the officer’s job to evaluate each person individually to try to determine which party was the primary aggressor. The officer may look at which party has the majority of the injuries and how severe those injuries are.

If there have been prior complaints of domestic violence for one or both parties, this is likely to be a major factor in which party is arrested. In many cases, it can come down to which party’s story is more believable, along with disparities in size between the two parties. Far from being science with clear rules, who gets arrested at the scene of a family conflict is very subjective, with the police officer having the final say.

What this means from a practical standpoint is that a larger male sibling is more likely to be the one arrested than a smaller female sibling who knows how to spin a story to her advantage, even if she was the instigator of the entire incident. So, a person who was only defending himself or herself could still face charges of domestic violence.

Defenses to Charges of Domestic Violence

The attorney of those who have been wrongfully accused of domestic violence will build a defense on his or her behalf that takes the unique situation, along with the facts and circumstances surrounding the incident, into account. The more common defenses to domestic violence charges include:

• Self-defense
• Mutual combat
•  Plea bargain to simple assault
• False allegations by the other party

In Illinois, two consenting adults can agree to have a physical fight. This might be even more common among siblings who grew up with one another and have willingly fought before. In domestic violence incidents where the relationship is familial rather than romantic, the prosecutor is more likely to consider reducing the charges to simple assault. If one party has falsely asserted that he or she was not the aggressor and was the victim, the attorney will have to disprove those allegations by showing a past history of false allegations.  

Contact an Arlington Heights, IL Domestic Violence Attorney

If you are facing charges of domestic violence, you must take these charges seriously by contacting a Rolling Meadows, IL domestic violence lawyer from Scott F. Anderson, Attorney at Law. Attorney Anderson has more than 25 years of experience in criminal law, both as a prosecutor and now as a criminal defense attorney. To schedule your free consultation, call 847-253-3400.